1) Create a safe, happy home environment that fosters growth.
2) Teach kids habits and beliefs that will enable them to become their very best selves and live loving, connected, responsible, self-sufficient, and happy lives.
3) Build a loving relationship based on trust, support, and respect between parents and children that will last a lifetime.
The challenge is about changing YOURSELF, not your kids.
Fact: you can't control other people-- not even your children. You can only influence them for the better. (An exception would include physically moving your small children, but that only goes so far...)
Nothing will make you more frustrated and angry as a parent than believing that you can MAKE your children do what they're supposed to do or be what you want them to be-- especially when they don't bend to your will!
All of the progress you'll track on this challenge based on things you'll change about you-- how you respond to your kids' annoying behaviors, how you model appropriate emotional responses, how you teach your kids to make better choices. The hope is that your kids' behaviors will improve over the three months, but even if they don't, you'll still wind up being a better parent.
Along those lines, remember that this challenge is about being better-- not a competition in which to compare yourself against other people. Work on improving yourself, from where you're at, rather than worrying about what other people are doing. We're doing this challenge as a group for support, not for competition.
You'll track your progress on a spreadsheet like this (I'll be embedding a downloadable version soon!) and get points for completing certain tasks within each of the categories.
The challenge is customizable.
Because you're only competing against yourself, you can decide what you want to focus on. If your kids consistently do their chores, for example, but you want to work on helping them resolve conflict more effectively, you can swap out items on the chart
You can also decide for yourself how many points each item is worth and and what criteria you have to meet to earn those points. You can decide if you're going to count each item for each child or each item just once for your whole family. I've provided point guidelines for you, but feel free to change them to suit your personal parenting goals.
The key is to pick your scoring rules and follow them consistently (Hey! that sounds a little like good parenting!) That way you'll be able to accurately measure your progress.
There are four major components of the challenge:
1) Weekly family meetings. You'll gather together daily to plan your week, compliment each other, and find solutions to problems.
2) Building a positive parent/child relationship. This includes showing affection, doing fun things together, listening to and validating your child, and eating dinner together.
3) Encouraging positive behaviors. This includes teaching your children skills they need to manage their emotions and interact with others successfully, teaching your children character qualities that will help them become better people, holding daily celebrations of your kids' successes and good choices, and using "Kindness Elves" (if you have the energy-- and this may work better with little ones, though I'm sure you creative people out there could figure out a way to modify it for older kids.)
4) Discouraging negative behaviors. This includes calmly and respectfully reminding children to make better choices and following through with consequences if they can't make a good choice.
This is a challenge within the context of community!
Each week, we'll focus on one of the tasks we're tracking (eg, "Listen to and validate your child" or "Review the respectful behaviors chart"). I'll kick off the week by writing a post about the task and everyone can chime in with their thoughts, ideas, and experiences.
Also, there's a group on Facebook where every participant can join in the conversation, bring up concerns or issues they've encountered during the week, brainstorm solutions, and celebrate successes.
Is the challenge for you?
If you are a parent of children of any ages-- and if you want support in improving your parenting skills-- you can participate in this challenge. Just send me a request to join our group on Facebook (search for 12 Week Parenting Challenge).
If you have a child (or children) with special needs (ie, mental or emotional issues or developmental disabilities), this challenge may not be appropriate for your family. Check with a professional before starting this or any other parenting challenge :).
To prepare for the challenge, you'll need to:
1-Make a poster like this one.
2-Establish a way to keep a list of things to discuss at your weekly family meetings (a spot on your family chalkboard, a special whiteboard, or even just a piece of paper taped to your fridge).
3-Review the content of this website, including information about Family Meetings, Skills Training, and Character Qualities.
4-Consider acquiring something to use for your Kindness Elves.
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