Week 6: Positive Time Together

Shared positive experiences are the foundation of good parenting.

I believe that if you teach your children to enjoy life-- and if they associate you with positive emotions and memories-- they will be much more apt to listen to you when you teach, they will be more likely to come to you with problems, they will be more likely to visit you when they're grown.

And if you take time to relax and enjoy your children, you'll be happier, you'll know them better, and you'll be more capable of offering them the guidance and direction that they need.    

It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day barking of orders... "Brush your teeth!  Get your backpack on!  Do your homework! Eat your peas!  Pick that up!  Do your chore!  Brush your teeth again!  Go to bed!"... But it's so essential to step back and spend some fun time together.  I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have my kids look up when we're doing something together, little smiles on their faces, and say, "I love you, Mommy."

This week, the challenge is to focus on just enjoying your children.  Try to do something every day with them that all of you like doing together.  Make it something you ALL enjoy.  (For example, I hate playing cars with my boys.   To me, it's the most boring thing in the world. But I love cooking with them, playing hide-and-seek, jumping on the trampoline, reading to them, dancing with them, writing stories, drawing pictures, and going for walks.)

You don't have to do anything fancy.  And it doesn't have to take mass amounts of time.  Five minutes is often enough.  Just be together.  And be happy together.

Enjoy!

Week 5: Positive Time Outs

I believe that one of the most important life skills we can teach children is how to regulate their emotions.  My oldest has an enormous, sensitive bundle of emotions, so this has been something we have had to work and work and work and work on.

This last week (you'll notice this post is a week late!) we have been trying to focusing on reminding him to go to his room when his emotions are starting to get the better of him.

I usually try to notice when he's starting to get wound up-- before he's completely lost his mind but when he's consistently being naughty/aggressive/disobedient-- and suggest that he find a toy or a book and go to his room for some alone time.  

Sometimes he won't go on his own, but I have found that if I guide him (read: calmly but forcibly carry/lock) to his room, he'll settle down into a groove and come out much happier and better-behaved in 20-30 minutes.

I have read suggestions about helping your child create a special cozy spot where they can go to regroup. I haven't worked up the energy for that yet-- particularly since I can see anything like that getting destroyed pretty quickly-- but I think it's a nice idea, particularly for lower-key kids.